Darth Hut
What do you get when you cross Jabba the Hut and Darth Vader? You get one of the most arrogant, ill-willed, gravely obese, and hygenically questionable programmers on the face of this universe, whose permanently audible breathing mentally disturbs all but the most steely-nerved: Darth Hut.
He spends much of his day at work not doing work, but telling other people how great he is, and how everyone else (particularly the person he's speaking to) is getting it wrong. Famous quote: "In my 10 years of developing software, I have never met a user I would call smart."
Ah. He had me at hello.
"Oh, I just didn't get any sleep last night," he proffers as bait to anyone listening around him. I turn up my iPod.
Sucker #1 responds, "Oh dear, why?" Bingo. Hut waddles over and stretches his arms sky-ward, exposing a thatched belly underneath his food-stained T-shirt. Sucker winces. It's unclear whether this is due to visual or nasal input.
"I'm so busy already, but my friend insisted that I review his manuscript on the .NET framework. It's just about all I can do to catch his errors..." Darth Hut exhales with mock exasperation.
Sucker, trapped, feels obliged to keep up his part of the conversation. I'm not sure at this point whether he has lost the will to live -- he stays motionless, hoping Hut will get bored and walk away. It just doesn't work that way with Hut.
A painful pause ensues. Hut looms large still. "So what chapter are you on?" he continues weakly.
"Oh, I'm on Chapter 2, the part where my friend feels I'm adding incredible color for discussing the inbuilt class libraries. With all I know, I should be writing this book myself. Then I wouldn't have to be working in this dump."
The ego-fest continues for another 15 excruciating minutes, despite Sucker's valiant attempts at getting back to his work and checking his watch every minute. What Sucker doesn't understand is that now that Hut's ensnared him, he's not letting go. Hut doesn't ever volunteer to stop talking, no matter how much his audience clearly loses interest. This was never about having a conversation. Like a pig scratching its privates, Sucker is a conveniently available tree trunk. And Hut's privates are always itchy.
He spends much of his day at work not doing work, but telling other people how great he is, and how everyone else (particularly the person he's speaking to) is getting it wrong. Famous quote: "In my 10 years of developing software, I have never met a user I would call smart."
Ah. He had me at hello.
"Oh, I just didn't get any sleep last night," he proffers as bait to anyone listening around him. I turn up my iPod.
Sucker #1 responds, "Oh dear, why?" Bingo. Hut waddles over and stretches his arms sky-ward, exposing a thatched belly underneath his food-stained T-shirt. Sucker winces. It's unclear whether this is due to visual or nasal input.
"I'm so busy already, but my friend insisted that I review his manuscript on the .NET framework. It's just about all I can do to catch his errors..." Darth Hut exhales with mock exasperation.
Sucker, trapped, feels obliged to keep up his part of the conversation. I'm not sure at this point whether he has lost the will to live -- he stays motionless, hoping Hut will get bored and walk away. It just doesn't work that way with Hut.
A painful pause ensues. Hut looms large still. "So what chapter are you on?" he continues weakly.
"Oh, I'm on Chapter 2, the part where my friend feels I'm adding incredible color for discussing the inbuilt class libraries. With all I know, I should be writing this book myself. Then I wouldn't have to be working in this dump."
The ego-fest continues for another 15 excruciating minutes, despite Sucker's valiant attempts at getting back to his work and checking his watch every minute. What Sucker doesn't understand is that now that Hut's ensnared him, he's not letting go. Hut doesn't ever volunteer to stop talking, no matter how much his audience clearly loses interest. This was never about having a conversation. Like a pig scratching its privates, Sucker is a conveniently available tree trunk. And Hut's privates are always itchy.
posted by Little Green Potato at 7:20 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home