Let Them Eat Cake
The uber-organized and perky pet analyst pings me on Messenger shortly before lunch.
Pet Analyst: Hi! I know you're swamped but do you think you might have some time on Monday to chat with me on your feelings about the analysis process and how it could be improved?
Me: Sure... Is this for QA, or in general?
In a bloody coup, the recently installed development manager kicked all existing team leads to the curb and replaced them with his Chosen Few. He hand-picked PA for the QA lead. She claimed she didn't ask to be put there. Vicious rumors neglect the fact that PA kept trying to escape the QA lead position. Jealousy -- absorbs Truth better than the leading paper towel!
PA: I'm not in QA anymore. It's for in general.
Me: Cool! Are you being asked to improve the overall process?
Uh. She didn't sound so perky there. I suspect I've started a game of 20 Questions that no one wants to play. Quick! Throw in a smiley!
Me: Or should I just stop asking so many questions? ;)
PA: Tee hee! No problem, ask as many questions as you want! What's a good time for you?
Me: Anytime's good, my calendar's wide open on Monday. So how does this fit into the process that's being created for the next stage of development?
I'm continuing a game of 20 Questions that no one wants to play.
PA: This will feed into the process, and I'm hoping that it will be done soon enough to positively influence the tail-end of this stage of development too.
Me: Oh right, I thought Next Stage Analyst had it sorted out already?
As I understood it, NSA was told to do this weeks ago, and to my knowledge had finished it and presented it to management.
PA: Nope. He started it, but he's too busy with next-stage business process modelling so I'm lending a hand. Also, I've helped out other teams with this before, so they figured I could do it again for this team.
Who's "They"?
Me: I seeeeee. Kinda like internal management consultancy? :D
Oops. Did I just inadvertently insult PA? Prior to this job, she was a benchwarmer at Andersen Consulting. Oh well. She may not notice, with the clumsily placed smiley.
PA: I guess so. Just wish they paid me management consultancy rates!
"They" again. I reach for my tinfoil hat and styrofoam cup of water.
PA: Ah well, time for lunch! You should go as well, before you burn yourself out!
Me: Sure, ttyl!
Time for Arby's. Super Roast Beef and Curly Fries, mmmmm.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So apparently, management does realize that the analysis process needs to be changed. Perhaps they've noticed that the main activities on the analysis team include gleeful backstabbing of other analysts and doing victory butt-wiggles on bodies of dead colleagues? Or is it the smell emanating from the steaming heap of documents no-one cares to read (least of all the developers)? It's like Lord of the Flies, except exceedingly more pathetic.
But wait! I thought the processes already changed once as a result of the first iteration lessons learned? And before that, for the roadmap initiative? And before that for the as-is venture? And before that...
It's worse than the French political environment. In the space of a year, there have been innumerable attempts at creating process, tearing it down, Getting the Blame Fingers Out, and building a new process back up again. We are on at least Revolution 33-1/3, and what have we got to show for it? A contorted shrine to Waterfall, cobbled together from the charred remains of RUP.
The aim is not to create amazing software in the least amount of time possible and for the least amount of money. The aim is to make each and every goon feel like their ideas have value.
As far as I'm concerned, anyone this obsessed with process must be petrified of code, business knowledge, or both. The French had it good. At least they got the satisfaction of beheadings.
Pet Analyst: Hi! I know you're swamped but do you think you might have some time on Monday to chat with me on your feelings about the analysis process and how it could be improved?
Me: Sure... Is this for QA, or in general?
In a bloody coup, the recently installed development manager kicked all existing team leads to the curb and replaced them with his Chosen Few. He hand-picked PA for the QA lead. She claimed she didn't ask to be put there. Vicious rumors neglect the fact that PA kept trying to escape the QA lead position. Jealousy -- absorbs Truth better than the leading paper towel!
PA: I'm not in QA anymore. It's for in general.
Me: Cool! Are you being asked to improve the overall process?
Uh. She didn't sound so perky there. I suspect I've started a game of 20 Questions that no one wants to play. Quick! Throw in a smiley!
Me: Or should I just stop asking so many questions? ;)
PA: Tee hee! No problem, ask as many questions as you want! What's a good time for you?
Me: Anytime's good, my calendar's wide open on Monday. So how does this fit into the process that's being created for the next stage of development?
I'm continuing a game of 20 Questions that no one wants to play.
PA: This will feed into the process, and I'm hoping that it will be done soon enough to positively influence the tail-end of this stage of development too.
Me: Oh right, I thought Next Stage Analyst had it sorted out already?
As I understood it, NSA was told to do this weeks ago, and to my knowledge had finished it and presented it to management.
PA: Nope. He started it, but he's too busy with next-stage business process modelling so I'm lending a hand. Also, I've helped out other teams with this before, so they figured I could do it again for this team.
Who's "They"?
Me: I seeeeee. Kinda like internal management consultancy? :D
Oops. Did I just inadvertently insult PA? Prior to this job, she was a benchwarmer at Andersen Consulting. Oh well. She may not notice, with the clumsily placed smiley.
PA: I guess so. Just wish they paid me management consultancy rates!
"They" again. I reach for my tinfoil hat and styrofoam cup of water.
PA: Ah well, time for lunch! You should go as well, before you burn yourself out!
Me: Sure, ttyl!
Time for Arby's. Super Roast Beef and Curly Fries, mmmmm.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So apparently, management does realize that the analysis process needs to be changed. Perhaps they've noticed that the main activities on the analysis team include gleeful backstabbing of other analysts and doing victory butt-wiggles on bodies of dead colleagues? Or is it the smell emanating from the steaming heap of documents no-one cares to read (least of all the developers)? It's like Lord of the Flies, except exceedingly more pathetic.
But wait! I thought the processes already changed once as a result of the first iteration lessons learned? And before that, for the roadmap initiative? And before that for the as-is venture? And before that...
It's worse than the French political environment. In the space of a year, there have been innumerable attempts at creating process, tearing it down, Getting the Blame Fingers Out, and building a new process back up again. We are on at least Revolution 33-1/3, and what have we got to show for it? A contorted shrine to Waterfall, cobbled together from the charred remains of RUP.
The aim is not to create amazing software in the least amount of time possible and for the least amount of money. The aim is to make each and every goon feel like their ideas have value.
As far as I'm concerned, anyone this obsessed with process must be petrified of code, business knowledge, or both. The French had it good. At least they got the satisfaction of beheadings.
posted by Little Green Potato at 8:01 PM
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