Analyst Deathmatch
"Welcome to ringside seats at today's special edition of Analyst Deathmatch, where we bring you not just two contestants, but all EIGHT (yes, count 'em, EIGHT) business analysts of the project, all together in their pasty, humorless glory. It's gonna be a fine scrap, Johnny, these folks look hungry!"
"Well, Jim, hungry for BLAME!"
"That's right, and boy are they going to dish it out today! Ref's in the ring, conference call is started, let's ... get... READY to BUMBLE!"
Ding!
"Puffed Up Ego Of The Month is really going for it, Jim, he's just finished filing his teeth and bounce slouches to the middle of the ring. I think he's going to use his Synthetic Modesty moves on everyone -- they won't know what hit them, aside from a hazing swirl of 80's plaid!"
PUEM (in halting Taiwanese accent): "I'm. Just a lowly ex-developer. What do. I know. But." Stops to grin menacingly. "All my documents are. Checkedinand. They are so great that. The developers finished. Coding before I finished writing them." Grins.
"Oooh, Johnny, ouch-tastic! Puffed delivered a blinding spotlight on himself that has distracted the entire rest of the line up from the task at hand! They are now milling around, stunned and blank. The ref's gotta step in and restore order... But wait! Perky Pet Analyst is about to leap off the ropes for a direct slam!"
PPA: "Well, I've been conducting interviews with everyone, including the QA team, and they have concerns about the proliferation of document formats, and of the clarity of the use cases. They're struggling with the inconsistency and lack of detail."
"That's why we call her the Percolator, Jim, that swell use of the Elbow of Truth. She's a natural."
"Look at them circling now. They're at a standoff. Ref's going to step in to get things moving again."
Analysis Manager: "C'mon, let's have a clean fight. Let's talk about Point #11, 'Stop sending repeated and conflicting messages to the users.' Go!"
Soulless Himbo Backstabber: "Well, I brought this point up because it just seems like the users kept getting the same questions over and over again. For instance when I accidentally asked a user something that Clueless Divo had already found out two weeks ago. She wasn't very happy... But I do think it's getting better!"
"Wow, Jim, what a skilled use of the Teriyaki Slice melding into the Hypocritical Oath. Himbo's really got Divo on the skewer... Nice New Guy is cowering in the corner, under his business process modeling tool..."
"Divo seems to be down for the count. Who's gonna love ya now, baby?"
"Oh wait, P. Doff is somersaulting in to the center after looking rather lifeless!"
PD: "Actually, I found that when I was working with Divo, he was quite good at communicating all the changes he made. The process there seems to be working fine. I have no complaints."
"Nice deflection of the Slice back onto Himbo. But I don't think that's gonna help, Johnny, Puffed is coming in for another kick on Divo!"
PUEM: "Maybe. Doyouthink. There were so many questions. Because the requirements written. Weren't clear?" Grins.
Laughing Cow: "Hnrrrrh, hee hee. Yeah, I'd like to add something. Maybe we could implement the JAD sessions I brought up? Hee hee hee!"
"Sweet Mother of RUP! The dozy Cow doesn't know much, but she sure knows how to drop those fancy acronyms! That's gotta hurt..."
"I know, Johnny, this team'll be picking pieces of bleeding edge acronym out of their backsides for weeks!"
"Check it out, Jim, Next Stage Analyst is bouncing off the ropes with what looks like an IMHO Choke. He's sure got a lot of IMHO to deliver - he's a certified Project Management Professional!"
NSA: "In my experience, unless the requirements are extremely complex, I've found that JAD can be total overkill. But that's only my opinion."
"Yeah! Totally PMPin' moves from Next Stage... It'll be hard to top that!"
Ding Ding!
"Oh dear, folks, the conference call has just run out of time, just when things were getting interesting! You'll just have to tune in next Tuesday at 11 to find out who rules the roost, who puts the BS in BSA... Only on Analyst Deathmatch!"
"Well, Jim, hungry for BLAME!"
"That's right, and boy are they going to dish it out today! Ref's in the ring, conference call is started, let's ... get... READY to BUMBLE!"
Ding!
"Puffed Up Ego Of The Month is really going for it, Jim, he's just finished filing his teeth and bounce slouches to the middle of the ring. I think he's going to use his Synthetic Modesty moves on everyone -- they won't know what hit them, aside from a hazing swirl of 80's plaid!"
PUEM (in halting Taiwanese accent): "I'm. Just a lowly ex-developer. What do. I know. But." Stops to grin menacingly. "All my documents are. Checkedinand. They are so great that. The developers finished. Coding before I finished writing them." Grins.
"Oooh, Johnny, ouch-tastic! Puffed delivered a blinding spotlight on himself that has distracted the entire rest of the line up from the task at hand! They are now milling around, stunned and blank. The ref's gotta step in and restore order... But wait! Perky Pet Analyst is about to leap off the ropes for a direct slam!"
PPA: "Well, I've been conducting interviews with everyone, including the QA team, and they have concerns about the proliferation of document formats, and of the clarity of the use cases. They're struggling with the inconsistency and lack of detail."
"That's why we call her the Percolator, Jim, that swell use of the Elbow of Truth. She's a natural."
"Look at them circling now. They're at a standoff. Ref's going to step in to get things moving again."
Analysis Manager: "C'mon, let's have a clean fight. Let's talk about Point #11, 'Stop sending repeated and conflicting messages to the users.' Go!"
Soulless Himbo Backstabber: "Well, I brought this point up because it just seems like the users kept getting the same questions over and over again. For instance when I accidentally asked a user something that Clueless Divo had already found out two weeks ago. She wasn't very happy... But I do think it's getting better!"
"Wow, Jim, what a skilled use of the Teriyaki Slice melding into the Hypocritical Oath. Himbo's really got Divo on the skewer... Nice New Guy is cowering in the corner, under his business process modeling tool..."
"Divo seems to be down for the count. Who's gonna love ya now, baby?"
"Oh wait, P. Doff is somersaulting in to the center after looking rather lifeless!"
PD: "Actually, I found that when I was working with Divo, he was quite good at communicating all the changes he made. The process there seems to be working fine. I have no complaints."
"Nice deflection of the Slice back onto Himbo. But I don't think that's gonna help, Johnny, Puffed is coming in for another kick on Divo!"
PUEM: "Maybe. Doyouthink. There were so many questions. Because the requirements written. Weren't clear?" Grins.
Laughing Cow: "Hnrrrrh, hee hee. Yeah, I'd like to add something. Maybe we could implement the JAD sessions I brought up? Hee hee hee!"
"Sweet Mother of RUP! The dozy Cow doesn't know much, but she sure knows how to drop those fancy acronyms! That's gotta hurt..."
"I know, Johnny, this team'll be picking pieces of bleeding edge acronym out of their backsides for weeks!"
"Check it out, Jim, Next Stage Analyst is bouncing off the ropes with what looks like an IMHO Choke. He's sure got a lot of IMHO to deliver - he's a certified Project Management Professional!"
NSA: "In my experience, unless the requirements are extremely complex, I've found that JAD can be total overkill. But that's only my opinion."
"Yeah! Totally PMPin' moves from Next Stage... It'll be hard to top that!"
Ding Ding!
"Oh dear, folks, the conference call has just run out of time, just when things were getting interesting! You'll just have to tune in next Tuesday at 11 to find out who rules the roost, who puts the BS in BSA... Only on Analyst Deathmatch!"
posted by Little Green Potato at 5:52 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home