The Dough Boy
To an outsider, it appears that the development team is run by a pudgy but affable life form: the Dough Boy. He laughs easily and seems harmless enough. After about a week working with him, however, it becomes quite obvious that the sunny exterior harbors nothing but a spongy, air-filled mind with the surprisingly destructive power of the Sta-Puft Man.
Recently, a spirited conversation began between the UI development lead and me.
"I'm not sure. I honestly think this override grid should have in-line addition for ease of use," I ponder.
"Well, I'm not so sure myself," the UI dev lead argues. "This has already caused some significant overhead in the past. It's not an easy thing to implement, as you know."
"Yes, yes... But the fact remains that the users will be putting in loads of these at a time. Do you really want them to have to go through a modal dialog every time they enter one of these overrides in?"
Dough Boy pops up out of his chair, and we both try very hard not to notice his gormless grin appearing over the cube wall.
"Maybe we should pose the question again to the user," dev lead wonders.
A beach-ball shaped mass with embroidered cuffs bounds around the corner into our peripheral view. Without voicing anything, we both know that our conversation is only about 30 seconds from being resolved.
"I've already asked her about a million times, dude! C'mon..." My voice gets ever so slightly panicky.
"Hi!!!!!!" DB interjects. If we don't acknowledge his existence, there's a 20-80 chance he might just go away. 25 seconds and we'll be done.
"Look," dev lead smiles at me, amused at my pain, and then smiles at DB, "maybe we could just confirm?" 20 seconds.
"Hey guys!!!!!!! What's this about?!?" The glare from his ignorance temporarily stuns us.
"Oh, hey," I mutter flatly, "we were just finishing up talking about the overrides screen, and whether or not the entry should be in-grid or modal." 15 seconds. With any luck, the use of technical terms might distract DB, since the last time he touched code was when people knew that Smalltalk wasn't what one did at boring parties.
"What are the overrides again?" Is that the sea I hear in DB's skull? We're done for. Something that would have been resolved in 30 seconds has now been diverted into the Management Roach Motel - issues go in but they never come out.
We spend about 5 minutes explaining carefully what overrides are, pretending that we hadn't explained it to him 20 times before in the last 2 months of development.
"I still don't get it. What exactly is being overridden?"
Kill me now. Please. There's a reason why he's not the Dough Man. The development team is headed up by the intellectual equivalent of a toddler.
Without a trace of remorse or shame, DB finally announces, "I'm still not clear on this. We should have a meeting to go over it some more. And also, can someone enter this into the issues database? Let's see what everyone thinks at the issues meeting tomorrow."
Lord have mercy. Despite all our pushing, the Dough Boy has rolled back to the bottom of the hill, along with our quick resolution. Once an issue gets into the issues database, it is discussed at 3 meetings per week, each with at least 10 people in it. None of them know the issue, so it will need at least 5 minutes of explanation, then 10 minutes of freakishly uninformed debate.
Multiply DB's duh-reka moments by at least 5 times in one day, 5 days a week. The number of completely pointless meetings swells to epic proportions. DB no longer has time left in the day to plan the team's work, or lick the development manager's manure-crusted boots. It's probably just as well because he's still trying to figure out where the ball from his optical mouse has gone.
Recently, a spirited conversation began between the UI development lead and me.
"I'm not sure. I honestly think this override grid should have in-line addition for ease of use," I ponder.
"Well, I'm not so sure myself," the UI dev lead argues. "This has already caused some significant overhead in the past. It's not an easy thing to implement, as you know."
"Yes, yes... But the fact remains that the users will be putting in loads of these at a time. Do you really want them to have to go through a modal dialog every time they enter one of these overrides in?"
Dough Boy pops up out of his chair, and we both try very hard not to notice his gormless grin appearing over the cube wall.
"Maybe we should pose the question again to the user," dev lead wonders.
A beach-ball shaped mass with embroidered cuffs bounds around the corner into our peripheral view. Without voicing anything, we both know that our conversation is only about 30 seconds from being resolved.
"I've already asked her about a million times, dude! C'mon..." My voice gets ever so slightly panicky.
"Hi!!!!!!" DB interjects. If we don't acknowledge his existence, there's a 20-80 chance he might just go away. 25 seconds and we'll be done.
"Look," dev lead smiles at me, amused at my pain, and then smiles at DB, "maybe we could just confirm?" 20 seconds.
"Hey guys!!!!!!! What's this about?!?" The glare from his ignorance temporarily stuns us.
"Oh, hey," I mutter flatly, "we were just finishing up talking about the overrides screen, and whether or not the entry should be in-grid or modal." 15 seconds. With any luck, the use of technical terms might distract DB, since the last time he touched code was when people knew that Smalltalk wasn't what one did at boring parties.
"What are the overrides again?" Is that the sea I hear in DB's skull? We're done for. Something that would have been resolved in 30 seconds has now been diverted into the Management Roach Motel - issues go in but they never come out.
We spend about 5 minutes explaining carefully what overrides are, pretending that we hadn't explained it to him 20 times before in the last 2 months of development.
"I still don't get it. What exactly is being overridden?"
Kill me now. Please. There's a reason why he's not the Dough Man. The development team is headed up by the intellectual equivalent of a toddler.
Without a trace of remorse or shame, DB finally announces, "I'm still not clear on this. We should have a meeting to go over it some more. And also, can someone enter this into the issues database? Let's see what everyone thinks at the issues meeting tomorrow."
Lord have mercy. Despite all our pushing, the Dough Boy has rolled back to the bottom of the hill, along with our quick resolution. Once an issue gets into the issues database, it is discussed at 3 meetings per week, each with at least 10 people in it. None of them know the issue, so it will need at least 5 minutes of explanation, then 10 minutes of freakishly uninformed debate.
Multiply DB's duh-reka moments by at least 5 times in one day, 5 days a week. The number of completely pointless meetings swells to epic proportions. DB no longer has time left in the day to plan the team's work, or lick the development manager's manure-crusted boots. It's probably just as well because he's still trying to figure out where the ball from his optical mouse has gone.
posted by Little Green Potato at 8:50 PM
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