Pet (Print) Peeves

Ever since moving back to America, I have been utterly appalled by common Americans' unabashed willingness to flaunt everything about themselves on their car stickers. Where we live, the most prevalent things seem to be:

1. People displaying mock-Hawaiian emblems - e.g. hibisci, turtles, sandals, etc. - in a futile attempt to demonstrate how "Hawaiian" they are when in fact they only go there on vacation for a week every two years, during which time they annoy the real Hawaiian natives by being thoroughly ignorant tourists.
2. Though not necessarily stickers, flourescent spray paint proclaiming support for snotty preteens and their inconsequential sports teams. They just aren't complete without the requisite heinous spelling and grammar in 6" high lettering: "We love you Ryan! YOUR GRATE!"
3. Stick-figure family "self portraits", including dogs. Confidence tricksters around the county rejoice, knowing the full names of all the members of low-IQ households around town.
4. RIP memorials to dead people. Were these the people who were so in debt they couldn't afford a proper tombstone for their loved one? Are the ashes in the spare tire compartment?

I find this all much like living in a nudist colony of sorts. Loads of people have wrinkled, ugly, or coma-inducingly ordinary bits that they insist on wiggling at the world. I feel a palpable sense of embarrassment on their behalf.

For the most part, that's as far as it goes: a slight unease at having to focus on the dimply fat rolls of other people's lives. However, there is one sticker that pushes me into a cranky red oblivion:


I don't really know why it bothers me so much. Perhaps it's because the people who put these stickers on their cars purportedly have a deep commitment to the outdoors and outdoor activity that Big Bear Lake and Resort are famous for. If, indeed, they are so in touch with Mother Nature, how do they not know the simple difference between BEAR prints:


And DOG prints?


They might as well have a sticker on their window that says "Welcome to Stupidville!"

I also blame the creator of the sticker, whose standards were so lax that they could not even bother to a) check out the official Big Bear logo (seeing as how presumably they'd been there about a squillion times) or b) Google "bear print" before mass-producing emblems for public consumption.

I thought I was only surrounded by intellectual zombies at work. Now I realize that they're with me all the way there and all the way back too.