Our Fudge Runneth Over
Substitute Bionic Seagull comments to me today that things are awfully quiet on the project as of late. He's finding it spooky, especially after having been pestered for two weeks solid to spend all his time and more doing janitorial work on BSA byproducts. I explain to him that the lull is due to release and iteration "planning."*
"Don't you worry," I assure him, "Enjoy your free time while you can. It's only quiet now because management are busy boiling up some scalding chocolate sauce and lining up Ziploc bags."
"Eh?"
I explain to him that it will take all of 5 minutes for management to pour too much super-heated fudge sauce into sandwich bags which are too tiny and not heatproof. After taking 10 minutes to figure out how yellow and blue make green, they will casually but forcefully fling the overladen bags to the team.
The bags will then promptly explode, leaving brown goo all over the equipment, staff, and innocent bystanding users. Mayhem and panic will break out.
As the minions struggle to clean their environment, just about near the point when everything looks respectable and the skin grafts start healing over, management will ask everyone why they failed to deliver beautiful chocolate sundaes, and why the whole place looks like...
SBS nods slowly with a thoughtful smile spreading across his face. Either he agrees with me or he's considering a Haagen-Dazs run.
*T minus 4. If a project plan gets talked about in a war room but no one hears about it, is there actually a project plan?
"Don't you worry," I assure him, "Enjoy your free time while you can. It's only quiet now because management are busy boiling up some scalding chocolate sauce and lining up Ziploc bags."
"Eh?"
I explain to him that it will take all of 5 minutes for management to pour too much super-heated fudge sauce into sandwich bags which are too tiny and not heatproof. After taking 10 minutes to figure out how yellow and blue make green, they will casually but forcefully fling the overladen bags to the team.
The bags will then promptly explode, leaving brown goo all over the equipment, staff, and innocent bystanding users. Mayhem and panic will break out.
As the minions struggle to clean their environment, just about near the point when everything looks respectable and the skin grafts start healing over, management will ask everyone why they failed to deliver beautiful chocolate sundaes, and why the whole place looks like...
SBS nods slowly with a thoughtful smile spreading across his face. Either he agrees with me or he's considering a Haagen-Dazs run.
*T minus 4. If a project plan gets talked about in a war room but no one hears about it, is there actually a project plan?
posted by Little Green Potato at 5:53 PM
3 Comments:
How does the Substitute Bionic Seagull compare to the dearly departed real one? Does it drop **** rather than clear it up?
P.S. I like hot fudge sauce.
SBS, due to the genuinely thoughtful hiring process of the Bionic Seagull Factory, also appears to be as helpful as the previous (and still much missed) model.
I, too, like hot fudge sauce. But not if it's all over the floor and cooking me alive.
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